Life Lessons

Despite my youthfulness, I figure I have a tremendous amount of wisdom (meaning experience) on some of the most important aspects of life. If there's any question about this, just look at the different stages in ones life that constitutes "big stuff":

-find "the" job
-get married
-own a house (probably w/ a garage)
-have kids (probably two)

So the way I figure it, I'm done. I've done all those things. Perhaps back in the day this is not a big thing, but I would say this is becoming more of a rare occurrence; to accomplish these things as early as 27.

Needless to say, I have so much to share about jobs; dealing with people, "sticking it to the man," and almost being interrogated by the secret service. Marriage? This July will be eight years! Eight! And then there are the joy's to owning a house. Oh boy, do I have some things to say about that . . . "what the hell's with this wire!?!" . . . And kids? Whether it's dealing with the disastrous affects of a two-year old attempting to change their own diaper or trying to hit a fly in the backseat of a car with a metal bat, man, do I have some advice to give you . . .

So, here is what I have to say about all these great things in life:

Don't worry about accomplishing ALL of these things right away. If you were to categorize these aspects in life, and then make all these subcategories that are all related to the main topic but are distinctly different, hence the use of the subcategory, then what you will be left with is a nice long check list of all these things that are no doubt going to stress you out. And now it's even more stressful because, instead of looking at the four categories I listed above, now because you subcategorized them, it looks like a lot more. But just look at it this way: You don't have to be perfect. In fact, my vast years of experience in the educational field will tell you that most teachers will set the grading curve at about 60% to pass. Therefore, in a breakdown of the "own a house" area, for example, if, in the subcategory of "the mortgage," you seal the deal without any hiccups in bureaucratic paperwork, you will probably get an "A." But on the other hand, in the subcategory of "neighborhood," you end up living next to Senor' Cardgage (a moldy man with big sunglasses and boxing gloves), you'd probably end up with an "F". No problem though, if you average out to that 60%, you'll pass in "owning a house" *to calculate, add up the percentages of all subcategories and divide by the number of subcategories.

However, most schools at the collegiate level will not accept such a slacker performance. My suggestion is to try and maintain at least a "B" average. That way, you can go to college and learn things.

College is where you can then learn to legitimize a subjective grading scale bent in your favor. This will alleviate many headaches in the future. Unless, of course, you happen to be arguing with someone who took more legitimizing courses than you. In which case you may have to counter with, what I like to call, the artful application of satire and sarcasm. (this way, you feel like you win, even if you lose . . .)

Of course, I already graduated from college, so I really don't have to worry about all the tuition hikes. What is that all about? Perhaps a "defense" department that spends more than all other developed nations combined . . ?

Which reminds me . . . what do you think of Barack Obama?